grasp; seize

unfortunately this post is a gripe.
ie. Things I hate at the moment.
Hate is a strong word but hey whatever you're not my mom.

1. Midriff fashion
NO
NO
NO
I mean honestly what the fuck.
This better not be where fashion is headed.

Unfortunately I have seen way too many guts recently. Mostly because its Festival season here and for some fucked up reason the 16 year olds have all decided that if Miley does it it must be cool or something.
This is by far the WORST thing that has come out of mainstream culture fashion in the past 5 years.
By all means go for it if you are 42kgs and amazonian and tanned. But it is a regretful and hideous mistake if you are not the full package of previously described things.
Just don't do it.
Please.

2. On my recent travels I bought the February 2010 issue of British Vogue.
It was shit.
Nautical, lace and psychedelic colors. Really? It felt like I was reading the February 2009 edition. I know that I'm no fashion expert but even I know what is old news.
Either that or Londoners just aren't as fashionable as I thought they were. (more likely).

I swear its as if the industry really has run out of ideas. Whatever I'm sick of bitching there's more but I can't be bothered with it at the moment. leave me alone.

In other news I may have a new job (exciting stuff) well nothing is for certain at the moment but I have finally come to terms with having to work full time for a few years so that I can go and live somewhere amazing.

Which has lead me to another gripe:

3. 18/19 year olds who move away from home to "cooler" places only to come back 6months later. I think Perthians take it for granted that we live in such a close knit community type suburbia. Although most of the time it seems a tad incestuous, we really do take for granted that, for most of us, we cannot walk around the city without seeing someone we know. There are unfortunately a lot of people who have decided that this is a bad thing for some reason.. so they move to Melbourne. Which is a city a lot larger than our own and with a cooler vibe. Honey, you don't know anyone, where anything is, or what to do. In Perth you are a big fish in a little pond.
Here's what I think - go for a holiday and enjoy it, or go forever and don't look back. But honestly, if you're going to move away why not commit and go somewhere real.
Having said this, I realise that a lot of people move away from Perth to other places not because they are cooler or whatever but for other reasons. So please just relax.

Anyway. This week has been nice just being able to hang out without having to worry about work. I have watched way too much 30rock and eaten way too many no meat burgers. But to me that is living at the moment.

love.

in daylight

well I finally got away.
I'm currently in Cairns (far north queensland) with my Dad.
It's not ideal but hey, it's pretty good.
We've been here for only a day now so there's still a lot to do. Mainly tan. I don't care if pale is the new tan, if i come back as white as I came I'm going to be VERY embarassed!

I didn't get into my course. I need to get a full time job. I'm saving up and going away. Josh is going to New York without me. It all seems bad right? Well it is but for some reason I don't really mind.

Thats it.

starlite//starbrite

It’s surprising how lonely being lonely can be.

Like punching holes in walls

Can’t catch a break but the break always catches me

Nihilism

Just breathe

Just take one more step and you will disappear here

The promise of simplicity

The same word with different meanings

Just like how no can sometimes be a yes.

Standing 10 foot above the ground and feeling 3 feet tall

The wind blows through the leaves like you blow in and out of my life

Harsh, swift and without taking any notice

Where are we even going?

One foot in the grave, one mind in the clouds

Nonsense

Where are your shoes?

Are you packed?

Are you ready to go?

They’ve already gone.

hiatus

Ah well I am now back at my mum's place. I wouldn't say living the sweet life but I am definatly eating better. Busy busy with christmas coming up what a better way to spend a 30 degree day but inside on the computer. right?
wrong. working two jobs is the shittest. Josh and I had planned to go to New York for his birthday but now unsure whether or not this is going to happen. which is terribly depressing. but nevertheless I am saving my ass off to go on a holiday ASAP.
I had an interview for the West Australian Academy of Performing Arts for the Arts Management course which I got into at the beginning of '08 but decided not to do so fingers crossed for me everyone. If I don't get in I'm going to work full time (boo) and then go away so either way I think I'm happy.

I had a confrontation with someone who plays a big part in my life AGAIN this week. And I really do think that might have to be the end of our close contact. The one major lesson I have learned from this person is that you can't trust anyone (sucks right?) yeah well it's true so get over it. It is human nature to LIE. I lie all the fucking time so hey, don't trust me. But honestly, you do really need to be very careful of what you believe these days. Even if its just the little things that don't matter that people are lying about. It's unnecessary and it's just plain rude. So be honest. Think before you speak. And love those people who you are supposed to love. Unless they fuck you over time and time again, in which case, fuck them right off. I love you!

an unlimited way of being...

Unconditional love is the strangest thing.

I've always associated it with parenting until tonight. I don't know if its just me, and to be honest I really hope its not, but I think that in this day and age it's so possible to have this feeling for someone not of your own flesh and blood.
It's different to "taking a bullet" for someone, that's not what I'm talking about. I mean when you and the other someone are having a fight, for example, and you yell and scream at each other, but underneath all of the anger is this .. feeling.. that everything is okay because it's not serious. I mean, the issue might be serious, but you know that if you tell them to fuck off, they won't leave you, and no matter how much they tell YOU to eat shit and die, you know that everything will be okay.

The best feeling in the world that I know is falling asleep and waking up next to someone. I don't know how I will survive going back to my parent's house and sleeping in my single bed alone every night. As terrible as it sounds, I honestly cannot recall a time when I was single, and I don't know how well I would function as a bachelor-ette. I am a hopeless romantic and yeah whatever.

I mean of course there are always times when we think that the worst is upon us and what we think are flashes of 'clarity' of what the HELL am I doing here? But (at least, I know) that I will (hopefully) have someone to sleep next to at some point in the near future, who (hopefully) feels somewhat the same way I do.

the pot calling the kettle sneaky..

So it turns out I have to pack up my life and move my stuff back to my Mum's house in less than a month. I cannot afford to pay rent and dragonslayer doesn't work/won't work so thats the way the field lies.
God I've got such mixed feelings about the whole thing. I mean on one hand it will be good to go home so that I can save and get a home cooked meal every night and not worry about some of the stuff that has driven me insane the past few years out of home. But at the same time I spend 10 minutes in my mother's house and the entire dynamics are enough to make me go insane. My sister and my Mum bitch about each other behind their backs to me when the other one is just in the next room.
Not only this, recent developments have shown that there will be a fourth person in the house permanently (my Mum's boyfriend) and my sister's boyfriend is there all the goddamn time as well. So I will be going from basic solitude where I can walk around naked to constant chaos with people I'm not all that comfortable with.
The thing that is probably bugging me the most is that I don't want to get rid of any of my stuff. But this house at the moment is full to the brim with crap I don't really need. I AM A HOARDER. Where the hell am I supposed to put my couches? I have about 15 coffee cups and draws full of utensils! Close to 100 books and a butt-load of records.

All this aside, I know the one thing that I will miss the most will be having someone sleep next to me every night.

I feel so cheated! I didn't even get to have a summer in this house. Oh well, it was good while it lasted. I guess I should have a party or something?

Consequence/defence Part3

Okay, so over the past ... lets say 24 hours (but I believe there has long been a spanner in the works), I have become increasingly content. Now, I'm not sure if content is even the right word that I'm looking for, and its also possible that this heightened state is from not having work for two days after not one day off for almost a month, but what I'm feeling is a kind of calmness or clarity if you will. Things are quite a lot more tumultuous at the moment than they have been for me for almost a year, so this is why I'm finding it hard to grasp my new found idleness and tranquility.

• I've said it before and I'll say it again, there is nothing greater than reading a book. Hours of solitude not wasted on your petty thoughts of outfits for Saturday night or the man you're banging. This opens so many doors people don't realise! Would you not rather have an intelligent and powerful conversation with someone on Saturday night that finds you enthralling that otherwise might not like the top your wearing or think those jeans make you look fat?
  
• Eat properly for God's sake. When will girls get it through their heads that being rake thin is not attractive to men in the real world?! Ask ANYONE and I promise they will tell you the same thing! I'm not telling you to binge but for fucks sake eat. You may look hawt in your FaceSpace photo but Christ when I'm up close to you I want a burger.
• Brush your teeth. OH MY GOD. Just please fucking do it! There is nothing more distracting and off-putting than yellow teeth and bad breath.
• Figure out what you want to do and what makes you happy and just do it. If you want to sit on your ass all day long on the computer, and that is TRULY what you want to do, not just something you DO, then figure out a way you can do that without shitting on everyone in your life.
• If you love someone do it with all of your being. Don't be afraid. Being in love is my biggest fear and I never know what to do. So just chill. Be happy and let it show. Otherwise things will die in the ass.

Argh I can't do anymore at the moment because it's all just turning to shit! I can't concentrate and I need me time.

mer ka ba

light/body/chariot





I just got really annoyed at all the blogs I follow because noone has updated in about 3/4 days. bastards. So here I am.


However I have been watching a lot of 2012 related videos which makes all this sort of jazz seem so unimportant.


I just sat here for about 10 minutes thinking what I could write that would be interesting/worth reading but like I said... totally unimportant.

First Earth Battalion

sweet jesus mary and joseph

it's hot "i-want-to-sit-in-a-blow-up-pool-in-my-underwear"-hot.

If someone buy's me a subscription to Jacques magazine I SWEAR TO GOD i will do whatever is in my power to pleasure you.

I got a new battery for my smoke alarm but can't figure out how to get the damn thing open. It doesn't help that even when I'm standing on a chair I still need to get on my tip-toes to touch it (alliteration). Someone save me. I am slowly being driven insane by its incessant beeping day and night. like the water torture but instead a consistent beeping. I cannot afford to be more insane. Please. I beg.

Thats all.

Oh wait - one more thing, everybody needs to listen to more bob dylan. end.

Listening to: Worried Shoes - Daniel Johnston

Ego unites with the soul//

I really do not know what the point of this blog is.
I mean, one day its me being like "WOO look at this new thing I have" next day its "WAH listen to me whinge about all the things I don't have" and then sometimes its just shit I have stolen from other people. Infact most of the time its shit I've stolen from other people. woops. sorry.

I guess it's pretty hard to be interesting when everything I'm interested in is happening thousands of miles away.

Or maybe I'm not interested in anything?
shit.

Steve Aoki on Friday night. holy fucking shit.
I missed him by about 45 seconds at summadayze earlier this year in Perth and by divine intervention hes coming back.

Also, I know it won't happen, but dragonslayer and I plan (somewhat, mostly I plan) to go somewhere early next year for a weekend/week trip.

And.

Yeah.

Shit.
Sorry.


So basically, I wish I was a physics nerd, but as far as I can tell, this tattoo says that all values from zero to infinity are less than love.
I used to believe this but now not so sure because its just so fucked.
I mean, infinity is... infinity... and love is a battlefield (thankyou Pat Benatar) and battlefields are nowhere near as .... good... as infinity.
Still, its a cool concept.

I'm obsessed with thinking what tattoo's I want but have no idea where I would get them. It's so shit. I really wanted to get this formula called the "infinity laplacian"
but now when I look it up on google its disappeared so now I'm thinking its been rebuked or something... so how embarassing would that be.
I also like this, but waaay too long. & not as pretty as the other one.

This has something to do with the number of galaxies, with the number or stars, with the possibility for planets with life etc etc etc.

Sigh.

The Girl Who Cried Coma

Today I made up a new word : crazycool. Its those people that are obviously insane, which in turn makes people think they're cool. Best example I can think of is Dean Moriarty from Kerouac's "On the Road". I have a friend that is crazycool. And she is my Dean. I realise I am less crazycool as her, but I do not strive to be like her. But I think shes the best thing that may ever happen to me. Is that weird? I don't think so.


Taking this into account, I realise that I definitely depend on people way too much. Last night I began taking it upon myself to make me happy, and to be completely honest it was so gratifying. I highly recommend doing things for yourself and for no other reasons. Why the fuck should you (I) be miserable when you (I) so easily have the power to change the situation your (I'm) in?
I also highly recommend having friends who are kick ass enough to listen to you rant for hours on your possibly crazycool topics of 2012 and intelligent lifeforms and (hopefully) want to see you again in the future.



LEARN THINGS. Read books for fucks sake. Even if you don't care much for the topic fucking read them. Have things to talk about so that you can hold an even remotely INTERESTING conversation with people who otherwise would find you increasingly mundane and not worth their time.

"Get famous or die."